mirth on earth! why postpone joy?
C's Joy Log: Morning Pages, Mess, Wednesday Waffle, From Blossoms
Winter is steadily wrapping its seasonal depression fingers around us here in my neck of the woods. I feel like as soon as I’m starting to feel awake for the day, the sun is setting and I’m rushing to get in one more walk with my dog so I can pretend that the last slivers of PNW “sunlight” are doing absolutely anything for me on a psychological level. Fake it till you make it, baby.
Sometimes that’s what it takes, though. It’s making the choice to gravitate towards things that light you up, however small they be. Turning towards joy, as it turns out, is a straight up struggle sometimes. I could blame the news, the lack of sun, capitalism, a frustrating project I’m working on, the Full Moon, or some combination of the above but I’m still left with choices: lean into gratitude, or lean into despair?
Some days it feels like physically taking my own hand and jerking myself away from a spiral. And some days the spiral happens and I let it ride. But more than at any other point in my adult life, I am stoked to note flashes of joy here and there. The more gratitude I take note of, the more gratitude I find.
If you’ve known me for longer than four and a half years, you know it wasn’t always like this. There have been periods in my life where my most utilized coping mechanism was the closest shot of Fernet. A good day meant drinking to celebrate. A bad day meant drinking to forget. A neutral day meant drinking to make the day into something memorable, and then possibly forgetting what happened. There were days that I didn’t drink, but for long stretches of time, those days were few and far between. It was all too easy to lean into that as a bartender and make it my personality. That is charming in a way, but that charm had a time limit for me, personally. Now I have the privilege of making not drinking my personality, as you can see here (just kidding, or….).
Since no longer pouring alcohol on top of every feeling that I feel, I’ve genuinely noticed a perspective shift. One day a few months into my “drinking break” (the one I’m still on, in fact), this thought kept nagging at me: Why postpone joy? That question has continued to come up over the years, as evidenced by a snippet from my morning pages above, or the name of this very Substack.
The last couple of weeks have had me thinking about that question yet again: why postpone joy? I know that some Big Feelings will always be there for me, like grief and sadness, but I can let them rest for a little bit. They’re probably tired, too. They’ll still be there when I come back, and I note that I’m visiting the Big Feelings less, and not getting as deep into them when I do. Recently there’s also been rage and disappointment, but the wildly beautiful thing is the ability to feel it all and to turn away from it for a moment — to leave and come back if you need to, to ebb and to flow.
I’ll take some more joy in my cup and less bummer vibes, thanks so much. Sometimes all it takes is H. making tomato soup and some grilled cheese at the end of a brutal day to get me grinning.
This week, I’ve noted a few key players on my ongoing joy list.
Joy Log: Morning Pages
How much time do you have for me to talk about morning pages? Morning pages are three pages of writing (ideally in a physical notebook) first thing in the morning — it’s a brain dump, it’s a dream log, it’s a therapy session, it’s whatever you want it to be, because it’s just for you. It can be messy (more on that later), and that’s great. Encouraged, in fact. I first learned about it in The Artist’s Way1 by Julia Cameron.
Not to be dramatic, but morning pages have changed my life. No, I’ve never finished TAW. Yes, it’s been on my to do list forever. However, what I can tell you is that I’ve been doing morning pages off and on for coming up on five years and, although some days it’s like pulling teeth to arrive at the page, the results are worth it. My brain feels like it took a nice shower and drank a strong cup of coffee right after.
Joy Log: Let it be messy
I saw someone comment about how Georgia O'Keeffe (fellow Scorpio) treated her whole life as a work of art and I can’t keep thinking about it. I want that. I want every single thing in my life to be beautiful and perfectly curated and fully formed but that’s not where you start — you start where you are. I created this Substack months before I told most people in my life about it. I’d been adding things to my Joy Juice ideas list for almost two years and I just sat with it, until Demi Utley and I got hyped about working on a lunar ritual related project together and I had to write something. It was like ripping off a bandaid, but more cathartic.
Earlier that same week, I was in a virtual co-working session and I was asking one of the other attendees on how she got started on one of her projects. It seemed so awesome to me, but also overwhelming. “Let it be messy,” she said, and then she logged off. I sat there, stunned. What sort of neural pathways were unlocked because of that internet stranger? I don’t know, but bless your heart, wherever you are. Let it be messy. Try things out and if it doesn’t stick, try something else. Also, do me a favor and remind me that I said this when you catch me forgetting.
Joy Log: Wednesday Waffle
A few weeks ago, a video blessed my feed where this dude talked about the Wednesday Waffle. The concept is simple, the results are transformative. Every Wednesday, you record a short video about new things going on in your life and you share it with your buddies. So, for the past few Wednesdays, I’ve been doing just that, and sending it to a few friends that live far away. Those friends respond with their own Wednesday Waffle video and the rest is history: a virtual moment with some buds. It is quite frequently the highlight of my Wednesdays now.
Joy Log: From Blossoms by Li-Young Lee
A couple of years ago I decided it was as good a day as any to go keep the local bookstore in business and was delighted to find a few books of poetry to buy. As I’m checking out, the cashier says to me, “Oh, if you like these, you might like this poem,” and writes down the title of a poem for me on some scratch paper. In that way, I was introduced to From Blossoms by Li-Young Lee. I was blown away upon first read, and it instantly made my favorite poems list. I think of that cashier often and their confident sharing of joy. A poem hitting just right is joy, is it not?
Feeling grateful for the people in my world and the people that will one day be in my world, for the poems that pull my heart strings, for the songs that I can’t get out of my head, and for poetry recommendations from strangers.
Poem recommendations are always welcome, by the way.
&c.
Currently reading: Swimming Home2 by Deborah Levy — thanks for the recommendation Patrick! Loving it, much as I’ve loved quite honestly *everything* I’ve read by Deborah Levy.
Next up in reading land: Acts of Service by Lillian Fishman3 — comes highly recommended from Eric Rickert. Really looking forward to diving in!
Also coming up in reading/creativity land: As I may have already told you, Elizabeth LeBaron and I are going to be doing a book club of sorts starting on Monday. We’re going to be working through the 6 week Living the Artist’s Way4 — watch this space.
Currently listening to: I made an absolutely delightfully unhinged playlist of songs I’ve been listening to this past week — I hope you bop around at least once or twice and, if I’m lucky, share a song or two that you’ve got stuck in your head with me.
Currently drinking: Blood Orange HOP WATR — second time buying this and it is so, so good that I’m tempted to buy some other flavors from the world wide web since Blood Orange is the only flavor I’ve seen IRL. Perfectly fizzy, not too sweet, and it contains adaptogens and nootropics. Do those do anything? No idea, but I know the beverage itself is delicious. I would definitely recommend, in case that was not clear by the repeat purchase.
Gratitude haiku for the week (ft. my dog):
the wind slapped today but we kept walking; there is so much to explore.
I appreciate you taking a second to sip some joy juice with me today. Just like last week, my dog wanted me to tell you hi. We both hope you have a really lovely weekend.
P.S. If you’ve made it this far, you get to hear a secret: I opened up a draft I had in Substack out of curiosity and the only thing written, at some unknown point in time, was “mirth on earth”. And nothing else. So, here’s to finding mirth on earth. Cheers!
This is an affiliate link because I’m an influencer now, thanks so much. (See: let it be messy)
Also an affiliate link! Look at me go!
You get it.
I am really letting it be messy.
I apologize for commenting almost a year later—I started the Artist’s Way today, and looked it up here to see if anyone had anything to say about it. I read through this whole thing before realizing that it was from so many months ago lol. I’m curious though, how did the Artist’s Way go? Do you still do morning pages? Much love 🫶
Read to the P.S. because I can never get enough of your writing, and Mirth on Earth--love it. So many wise nuggets in this post. Affiliate links?! Omg yay! Also you've almost convinced me to do morning pages.